To have or not have Valentines Day
Are you looking forward to the special day designated to love, chocolate, and sex? Or do you really despise being told what to do on a regular February 14th? The truth is whether you like it or not, Valentine's Day is happening. One chocolate at a time.
Valentine’s do not’s
If you do not like it but your partner does, that does not matter because it is important to your partner. You better be sure to appreciate them in whatever way that looks like. Relationships take work and sometimes compromising a little more does a very long way. Such is the case with Valentine's Day.
Wait until the 14th to let your partner know you love them or will do something special for them. You have to be consistent. Remember, Valentine's Day is an excuse to show and deepen love amidst the other days off the year.
Do nothing.
Valentine’s Day expectations. On the other hand, Valentine's Day can be a source of hurt and pain due to previous unspoken expectations that one partner has, expecting it to be “the day” that things change. Unfortunately, because it is unspoken, Valentine’s Day causes conflict for many couples because those expectations are not met. The best way to work through the pain points is by having a conversation expressing what makes them feel appreciated, loved, and creating meaning between one another. While this does not have to be Feb 14th, Valentine's Day is a great excuse to start that conversation.
Valentine’s Day do’s
Express yourself when in conversation, be gentle and acknowledge how they are expressing what makes them feel loved. If you listen and remember- this being key- chances are you are going to score big brownie points. Offer yours as well, remembering that sometimes it really does feel nice to receive a compliment or to have sex. The most beneficial element to sitting down and talking is that couples begin to create shared meaning. A major element in making relationships work well as it is the roof in the sound house relationship theory by the Gottmans.
Try something new with sex, whether Valentine’s Day is something to embrace, you can use it as an opportunity to gain emotional connection that can be playful. Sex toys are flying off the walls and we see them being normalized because it is assumed Valentine’s Day is THE day for sex. Further, the shame factor about sex toys decreases so much that you get MOFO for not buying a new toy. Needless to say, time to get curious, and who knows, you might actually enjoy something because once a hater, it does not mean you will always be a hater.
Questions to build your sexual love maps:
What is your favourite sexual fantasy about us?
In your view, what is the role of masturbation in our sex life?
What is the difference between love making and having sex?
Maybe women say they aren’t asked by their partner what they would like to feel or do sexually. Do you know what I like?
When I initiate sex, what do you usually feel?
