Harnessing the Power of Sensual Play
What is sensual play, Savannah?
Think about a time which you were incredibly turned on. Was it while having sex? Was it in your fantasy world? Or perhaps it was just the slow feeling of your partner's fingers caressing your hair. Sensational play emphasizes and enhances the sensual stimulation of all your senses. It is meant to flood you with arousal while attending to all of your senses for an intense sexual experience. By putting the focus on pleasing sensations, using the sensational play helps you let go of the pressures that might come with genital focused sex while also increasing your arousal. And most of all, You are being a sexual teammate with your partner.
What does sensual play include?
Sensational play can include impact such as spanking, pain, temperature, restraint in addition to your 5 senses. Examples include kissing or whispering in your ears, visual stimulation and restriction (blindfolding), touching with various pressures, dirty talk, temperature play using ice or human-safe wax, using a vibrator on other parts of your body than the clitoris such as the head of the penis and nipples.
In the event you are aroused, penetrative sex and orgasm are welcomed. But if these are off the table, enjoying the playfulness and connection with your partner can be exactly what we want. This is one of the many reasons I enjoy offering couples this suggestion as it takes the pressure of having sex away so they can be more present with one another.
Isn’t sensual play BDSM? That isn’t for me.
Sensational play does cross over into BDSM (bondage discipline dominance sadomasochism and submission), when you are using the names of the acronyms. It does not have to enter this territory, though, by keeping your sexual play away from what you and your partner(s) feel is too uncomfortable and kinky. As with ANY sort of sexual activity, you must talk with your partner and consistently check in with them to maintain safe boundaries and desires. I cannot stress this enough!
Sadly, we often forget about other senses when it comes to sex. The dominant societal narrative tells us to believe that sex is exclusively penetrative. No! Its not! I see many clients who struggle with feeling like a failure because they cannot have penetrative sex. My heart feels for my clients because the deep sadness comes between the couple, greatly impacting their relationship. There is a whole other world to explore, so lets do it!
A pleasure seeking journey
As my goal and purpose for being a sex focused therapist is to embark individuals and couples on a pleasure seeking journey, I love how using sensational play makes use of our other senses. Further, you become a sexual teammate with your partner, trying something new and filling in the areas which cannot be filled due to the societal standard. And lastly, in experimenting individually and with your partner, you may be surprised about what you learn sexually about yourself.
Tips for beginners
Make a red, yellow, and green play-list of sensational and/or BDSM play you are comfortable trying.
Create the intention of the playtime together
ALWAYS check-in with your partner(s) to ensure they are in the green zone
Try out the sexual act on yourself if you can. Such as spanking your thigh or putting ice on your body
Start slow and increase as needed
Respect the hard NOs!
Aftercare
Being a sexual teammate
In conclusion, enhancing your senses elevates the connections between you and your partner. We always come back to what being a good enough sexual teammate is to piggy back off one another’s interests. So check in with one another, create an intention, and have some sensual playtime.
